50% Effaced.
>> Monday, January 11, 2010
After about a month of feeling really, really healthy and letting myself getting sort of cocky about that fact, I'm starting to notice the all-too-familiar pangs and pains of Crohn's again. I've spent the past few days trying to determine if that god-awful dull ache I feel around my stomach is because of my disease or just the baby's way of saying hi, Mom. (I think the former.)
I've dealt with stomach pain for pretty much my entire conscious life. I'd like to say I'm a pro at masking discomfort. I've trained myself to smile when it hurts. And it's this little charade that worries me about pregnancy, because I've spent so long perfecting the art of ignoring pain that I tend to do just that--ignore it.
I think I've even thought to myself--maybe even said it out loud--that whenever, one day in the distant future, I have a baby, labor pains will hardly phase me. Thanks to a lifetime of digestive disease. It's one of those things that you know isn't true even when you're saying it, but if I've had to spend a good portion of my public life worrying about where the nearest bathrooms are, I figured the least I could do is make myself out to be some sort of tough-as-nails girl because of it.
The truth is, I'm terrified of labor. And pain. I had surgery in my teens to remove some of my intestines, and I remember waking up from the anesthetic too early and feeling the sensation of a fresh incision across my lower abdomen. I remember that pain. And I remember that I never, ever wanted to be in that kind of pain again.
I told all of this to my doctor today at my 35 week appointment. She checked me to make sure my recent problems haven't been causing any dilation (answer: no dilation but already 50% effaced, and her head's down really, really low).
I can't believe it's been nine months. But just the same I can't believe I have at least 3, maybe 5, maybe 6 weeks left to go. I'm so excited I can't stand it. And I'm so ready to put this pain-guessing game behind me and focus on being her mom.
7 comments:
I also have an autoimmune disease...MS (multiple sclerosis) where my body attacks the central nervous system causing inflammation, much like CD. I was terrified to become pregnant for the lack of control by not being able to take my daily, disease-modifying injection.
I did not feel my own body competent of giving birth and opted for a C-section due to my MS. Unfortunately, even with my scheduled C-section, I still went into labor early. I still had my surgery after dilating to 6 cm.
It sounds like you're going to do an awesome job with your daughter! It will be worth any and all the pain you will endure.
P.S. So sorry for rambling.
wow that date is creeping up quickly isn't it! I hope everything goes well and you're not in too much discomfort for the next 3/5/6 weeks.
I love you, Sarah. Your blog is so amazing. It's such an interesting phase of life that I can't possibly comprehend, but want to eventually. Believe it or not, you make it sound a lot more tolerable to the world's biggest wimp. (no, i no like pain)
I keep thinking you're going to up and pop Adelyn out without telling me, and it's good to see you haven't yet.
<3 Mary Rose
Hey! So excited about the Babble thing! Do you know how many years some of these Mommy Bloggers have spent building up their readership? Of course I voted for you.
Great book about labor: Easing Labor Pain by Adrienne Lieberman. She has some great techniques and mental exercises for dealing with pain. She also points out how the pain level is completely different for everyone. (And yes, I DO believe that if you've dealt with chronic pain all your life, you WILL be more prepared for childbirth.)
Childbirth was the most physically strenuous and painful experience of my life, but I'm disappointed that I'll never experience it again. It was amazing and different both times.(I also very much wish I could experience going into labor naturally instead of being induced.)
When my dad asked, "Was that the most difficult thing you've ever done?" my immediate reply was "No, surviving depression is the most difficult thing I've ever done." Both experiences felt very mental.
I don't know why, but I feel that you're beyond capable of dealing with it all. You strike me as an incredibly strong, kick-ass woman - physically and mentally.
I'm excited to read about your experience! (Of course, I'm sure we all understand if it takes you a little while to get back to the blog....)
Good luck!!!!
if it's any consolation Sarah I remember the fear. Both pregnancies weren't easy (for different health reasons) and both times I felt the fear. I remember looking at women who were about to give birth thinking 'how come they aren't feeling the fear?' One time I asked one and she told me that there comes a point in the pregnancy that the birth is inevitable and frankly you just want to get past it and have that baby.
Believe me - this too will pass. And soon you will have a lovely little baby girl. Good luck.
Hi Sarah!
The best advice that I've gotten is that you need to face labor like you are ripping off a band aid. All the anxiety will not help.
Another thing that comforts me is the idea that labor pain is unlike any other sort of pain a person experiences. Pain is usually present to indicate that something in your body is injured, but labor pain, by contrast, is about progress.
I'm about to experience labor without drugs or medical interventions of any sort (hopefully), so let's hope I can remember my own advice!
Good luck, Sarah!
-Aubrey
While I don't have Chrone's (my mother does), I've battled with very similar stomach pains my whole life - my mother brought me to many specialists because she insisted my pains were what she went through. To get through the pain, I developed my own coping techniques, as I'm sure you did as well. I didn't take Lamaze because I was sure that my time-tested breathing exercises and yoga experience would prepare me for natural labor, and I was absolutely right.
I'm SURE that dealing with Chrone's makes you more prepared for labor than you think. The pain will be recognizable, manageable, for you. Looking back, I'm thankful for dealing with it my whole life because it made my labor experience not so foreign.
You'll be fine. The whole trick is controlling each contraction with your mind - managing the pain the best way you know how. It's nothing to be scared of - women have been doing it forever. You're just as strong as everyone else, maybe more so. Good luck and enjoy these last moments of pregnancy.
Post a Comment