The waiting game part 2.
>> Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I'm really not a fan of the unknown. And I guess no one really is, in the sense that there might be actual fans of not-knowing out there, but I think I might just be a little more wary than the average person. I've never been able to really go with the flow--even with, um, medicinal help. I always have a compulsion to figure it all out now.
But that goes against the entire point of pregnancy, doesn't it? Because God or who/whatever dreamed up this whole scheme really seemed to be getting some sort of kick out of placing such a big, gaping, albeit temporary hole in the minds' of half the species. Men, you figure out how to hunt the animals. Women, you deal with nine months of increasing discomfort all the while wildly guessing what the hell is going on with your body and what's about to literally pop out of it. When you think about it too much it just seems entirely unfair, but there's nothing unique about that thought. When it comes to pregnancy, women carry the burden, or load, or for those who consider themselves enlightened with the natural order of things--the gift of childbirth.
More than any pregnancy-inspired ache or discomfort, the main annoyance of this ordeal so far has been the not knowing. I want a crystal ball, and I want it with a side of Tums.
7 comments:
It is scary, isn't it? I look forward to meeting my baby and being done with pregnancy. I can't wait. But first I have to get through that huge unknown of labor and delivery. I hope the first-time anticipation is the worst.
I happened on your blog through the Feb. 2010 birth club at Baby Center. :)
Hi, Anna! When are you due?
And, yes, very scary.
I know just what you mean. I'm a guy, but I ate this giant pizza with "the works" one night and it was quite an ordeal.
I spent the whole night getting larger and more uncomfortable. I kept thinking to myself "When is this thing gonna come outta me?" The last part of the night was spent popping the Tums and praying for the sweet relief that only delivery could bring.
Through the bottom of a bottle of generic Pepto-Bismol I saw a pink sunrise, shining it's unbearable light on my suffering. Like many pregnant women, I now worried about it affecting my career.
From this experience I can share these truths with you: The time will pass; delivery will come; and you'll be back to work by the afternoon. I too was nervous, but everything turned out just fine.
I hope this story helped. I've gotta run for now. I'm at work and the boss is springing for pizza today.
Oh yes! There are so many unknowns. The big unknown/concern for me is that while I'd been told that I'd be overcome with love for my baby as soon as she was born, I didn't feel it. Of course I loved her in the sense that I would die or even kill for her (the mother-bear instinct in full gear), but...I didn't know her.
When they first placed her in my arms, I had two thoughts: 1. "I just need a minute" (I was induced two weeks early and due to my doctor's stupidity, I had to go natural without preparation); and 2. "I don't know you." I was looking at her chubby cheeks and shock of brown hair and I had no idea who she was.
I felt like a bad mother. "There must be something broken in me," I thought. When she was about three months old, I finally felt "bonded," because I was beginning to know her.
I know it's different for everyone. I have friends who felt it instantly, but I like to tell new mothers my story - so if they experience the same thing, at least they know they're not alone.
(And I love the crystal ball with a side of Tums!)
(Explanation of above: When they first gave her to me, I just wanted a minute for myself and didn't want to hold her immediately. That also made me feel like there was something wrong with me.)
I've heard about that happening, and I appreciate the warning. Because I'm the kind of person who would, in fact, freak out if I didn't feel that immediate bond.
I'm due Feb. 1. :)
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