Never-ending hunger.

When I was a junior in college and the features editor at my university's newspaper, one of my co-workers and I went on a food-run to Sonic. We walked back into the office and sat down at the conference table to eat. I dug into my chicken fingers and ranch and fries and looked up to see the editor-in-chief, an incredibly smart, accomplished, capable senior named Dana staring down at me.

"How do you eat like that and stay so skinny?" she asked, looking incredulous.

"I have Crohn's disease," I replied, turning my health into a joke as I so often do around my peers.

And, from her, my superior at work, a girl I looked up to, admired and always wanted to emulate: "I want Crohn's disease." And she wasn't kidding.

I've always joked that if my Crohn's magically went away, I would gain 200 pounds likethat. Because I've spent my life trying to gain weight, trying to not throw up what I eat, I lack any self-control. I only know how to make myself eat more.

This past week, since my stomach has started to feel better, I have not been able to stop eating. I CAN'T STOP. And I can't stop caring, because no matter what people say about pregnant women being able to eat whatever they want, doctors, the FDA, and the incredibly judgmental population of the world says otherwise. I feel like a pig. And I can't help it.

The thing about this hunger that makes it different is that I'm not just eating out of boredom. I am seriously, legitimately, hungry. When I stop eating, it's usually because I'm out of food or an easy way to get more.

I ate a sandwich when I got up for work this morning at 3 a.m. I ate a blueberry muffin at work at about 6. I just ate some Easy Mac at 11. And I'm meeting a friend for lunch at 12, and my stomach is still growling.

I know the easy solution is to just pick up some carrot sticks instead of sandwiches, muffins, and Easy Mac, but that is what my body wants. And did I mention I lack any semblance of skill when it comes to self-control? I have none. My body only knows to eat. Eat eat eat eat. If your stomach can take it, then fill it until it can't. It's all I know. But this is the first time I can actually eat the entire sandwich, every crumb of that muffin, and every last noodle in that bowl of Easy Mac. Usually my stomach wimps out a third of the way through.

I'M STILL HUNGRY.