Working after pregnancy

I have a hard time talking to people about my philosophy on working and motherhood, mostly because I have no right to act like I know what I'm talking about.

But I've noticed the question coming up more and more, with relative strangers and colleagues and friends.

"So will you continue working after pregnancy?"

The question is kind of a moot point, isn't it? Whether I go back to an office or not, I'm always going to be working. Taking care of a living, breathing human being 24/7 is work, too, is it not?

Are these people asking me if I will quit my job and assume a life of partying, sleeping in, lazing around, and letting my mind wander? Because I can assure you--no matter what--that's not what I'll be doing.

At first, I didn't really know how to answer the question. No, I won't be returning to the job I have now, because A) it makes me miserable, B) I make about three-fourths of the amount child-care would even cost, and C) I WANT TO FOCUS ON BEING A MOM FOR A SMALL, TINY, FLEETING MOMENT OF MY LIFE.

I do not want to be a so-called "stay-at-home-mom." I don't want it to be my identity. I have absolutely nothing against women who choose that route, but I also know that I would be miserable doing it everyday with no expiration date in sight.

But I also want to take some time after baby and focus on the new life I just created.

This would all be a different story if I'd landed my dream job already, or if I got irreplaceable pleasure out my work. But I don't.

I can already feel the tension that comes with the dilemma. Women get PISSED about other women's choices, specifically if those choices allow them to spend the day with their child rather than slaving away at a desk. A lot of women--single moms, especially--HAVE to work full-time. And I applaud them. I bow at their feet.

I know how lucky I am. But I also am not going to apologize that I can quit the job that I hate. I'm just not.

Honestly, I never want to step foot in an office again. I've wanted to be a writer since the second I learned to read, and I have the "What do you want to be?" questionnaire from my kindergarten glass to prove it.

PS. I can't wait until I can sleep during the nighttime and wake up to the sun shining again. The two nights I get to do it a week always go by too fast, and before I know it it's noon on Wednesday and only a few hours of normalcy remain before it's back to bed for work at midnight.

PSS. No word yet on Austin.

PSSS. We went to the doctor on Monday. Baby's heart's beating at 150/minute. And it's the best sound I've ever heard.