Insatiable hunger and buttoning my pants.
>> Friday, September 25, 2009
I have been insatiably hungry recently, and I'm not saying that lightly. I literally CANNOT stop eating. On Wednesday, my day off, I did nothing except sit around and read and relax. And eat. And eat. And eat. The only thing that could stop me was sleep, so when I finally drifted off to slumber I instead dreamt about what I would eat next. And then I woke up at 11 p.m. for work and made a sandwich. I haven't been this hungry since the first time I was put on Prednisone--I was 14, weighed under 80 pounds, and found myself in throes of steroid-induced hunger eating 9--no exaggeration--grilled cheese sandwiches in a row.
None of my clothes fit. None of them. And I know I'm not supposed to care, because it's the miracle of life and some women can't even have babies and kids are dying in Africa but, I'm sorry, I sort of do. Society can't just expect us to turn off our I'm-getting-fat switch because we're pregnant. The human (and hormonal) mind doesn't work like that.
No matter how excited I am about this child, it doesn't erase the frustration of trying to find something to wear when none of your pants will button and even your stretchiest leggings feel like a cruel torture device.
My stomach is still somewhere in the etherworld between chub and with-child. I don't feel confident enough in my bump to let it all hang out, because, to me, it just looks like I'm bloated beyond belief.
I broke down a few weeks ago and ordered two pairs of maternity jeans but they still haven't arrived, and after searching through my inbox I couldn't find a confirmation e-mail and am now wondering if I ever even ordered them at all. I know I was at work when I did it, and it was maybe 4 in the morning. I swear it wasn't a mirage. But my closet still lacks anything that truly fits.
Being pregnant so far feels a lot like that hour after Thanksgiving dinner. You've stuffed your face beyond belief, and suddenly you're aware of every single seam in every single article of clothing on your body. Your breath feels stiffled by the fullness. Even unbuttoning your pants doesn't fully remedy the discomfort. The only true remedy is another piece of pie.
