The Sleep Riddle.
>> Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Which came first--the chicken or the egg? The Nap Nanny or the baby who refuses to sleep laying flat? The swing or a baby who must be rocked to sleep?
Jason and I are gradually transitioning Adelyn out of her swing for naps and out of her Nap Nanny at bedtime. The goal is for Adelyn to be able to continue her normal day anywhere we go--in a hotel, at a babysitter's, at her grandparents'. To be able to fall asleep on her own, on a bed, in a pack n' play, on a blanket on the floor. Because the way it is right now--at least in our house, her grandparents have had more luck getting her to nap without the swing--Adelyn has a very particular way she likes to fall asleep. And it includes vigorous rocking during the day, and a bottle at night (and throughout the night, whenever she wakes up).
When I look back on our first days as parents I realize just how good those marketers are at their jobs. You know how the older generation is always marveling at how many things you need to have a baby these days? Mechanical aquariums in cribs, swings so big they look like a piece of furniture, computer devices that track the amount of times your baby wakes during the night and how long they cry each time. We only need these things because we buy these things. And trust me, I'm not making some grand proclamations of freeing myself from the baby-mania consumerism. I am a victim and I will continue to be a victim. Because it makes me happy to buy things that will make our lives with Addy easier or that look cute in her room.
If we'd never put her in the swing she never would have grown accustomed to it. If we'd never put her in the Nap Nanny because she fussed whenever she was flat on her back (I think she did have reflux in the beginning, but not anymore), she'd be a pro at sleeping on her back.
But now Addy's life is a riddle of gadgets that she both depends on and loves. She falls asleep instantly in her swing--because she knows it means nap time. She falls asleep easily at night while we feed her the last bottle--because she knows eating in her Nap Nanny means it's time to go to sleep. And when she wakes up throughout the night, as all babies do, she cries out for another bottle--because that's how she knows to fall asleep.
After five months Jason and I are beginning to work our way out of these dependencies. The first step was to put Adelyn's swing in her nursery so that she's not stirred when someone knocks on the door or Louie barks (why it took me five months to figure that one out, I'm not sure). This morning I successfully got Adelyn to fall asleep in her Nap Nanny for her first nap of the day, and she did it without a bottle and only a few minutes of fussing. It's been thirty minutes and there hasn't been a peep over the monitor.
Next, we'll retire the Nap Nanny to the attic, to be used as a lounger for her as a toddler or on our next child, or to give to a friend who's baby doesn't like sleeping on his or her back (thereby passing on the vicious cycle to someone else).
This weekend Addy stayed with her Janu and Pops and I asked them if they'd mind trying to get her to fall asleep flat on her back. I've seen them do this before, and they have a knack for it that I don't. The next morning we got the report--she slept soundly like that until one in the morning, then woke up and wanted to do nothing but play and stare at the full moon (of course, her Janu obliged. How could you not? It's nearly impossible to leave Addy to sleep when she's lying in her crib, arms and legs kicking wildly, squealing and giggling for you to pick her up). After that they put her in the Nap Nanny, because this is a guaranteed way to get her to sleep.
It all sounds so complicated and I realize that, at the heart of it, it's really not. Babies will sleep, eventually, when they need to. On your shoulder, on your bed, in your lap, in a swing, or flat on their back in a crib--the "proper" way. We--or, more so, me--make it even more complicated.
And now it's up to me to find our way out of the obstacle course that is falling asleep.
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