Breastfeeding.

I'm months away from the actual decision and it's somehow already permeated my thoughts. My body usually fails me, and I don't say that to be dramatic. Not that I come down with a new cancer every time I get a check-up, but in the past--and definitely in my psyche--whatever I want to happen with my body inevitably won't, or even if it does, it will find another way to let me down.

That's why I already worry about breastfeeding. What if I can't? What if my baby won't? The judgement! The shame! It's enough to send a 23 year old woman who didn't even know if she ever wanted to be a mom into a panic attack.

I plan on doing my best to stick to the breast, at least for a while, but I've been searching endlessly for a level-headed, well-constructed exploration of the Breast is Best Army. Personally, I think it's probably the better route assuming my body and baby allows it to be, but not because formula is EVIL or will somehow destroy my child's future. My mom breastfed me at least to if not way beyond the recommended age, and I wound up with severe Crohn's Disease at 10 years old. It's not--it can't be--that black and white.

I just stumbled upon this article from The Atlantic, and it was exactly what I'd been searching for. Real argument and research devoid of any "because I said so's."

I hope I can breastfeed. But I'm becoming very, very accustomed to things not going to plan.

--Sorry I haven't written much lately. I'm having a major case of writer's block/coming up with anything worthwhile to say. Hoping finishing The Road, aka the most depressing book I've read in a while, will spark something in me.

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