Stir-crazy.
>> Friday, February 19, 2010
It's funny how I feel like so much of my life is riding on an uncomfortable exam with my obstetrician. An invasive doctor's appointment should be something to dread, right? Except I find myself looking at my calendar daily wondering if I really have three more weeks until I go back to the doctor.
I'm dying for the okay to act like a human.
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I know from reading other women's experiences that a lot of people don't follow the six-week rule. And while I'm usually the last person to perfectly mind my doctor's orders, this time it's different. I guess 'cuz now there's a baby involved, and her health is the most important thing, followed by my health so I can stick around and take care of her.
But ohmygod I want to work out. Move my limbs, run until I'm out of breath. I want to take Adelyn into the world. I want to start merging these two lives--the one I barely remember, way back when Adelyn wasn't even a blip on my radar, and the other that I'm in now, where she is the center of my world.
This isn't a complaint. I wouldn't trade this new life for anything. I'd gladly trade in the parts in between her smiles and playtime, though.
When she's sleeping (which is a lot), I find myself thinking more and more about what's next. I know Jason and I don't want to put Adelyn in daycare yet, because we both want to spare the insane expense and realize that we're lucky enough that we don't have to put her in it. But I also know that I'll quickly go crazy without a path, a goal, a project outside of poopy diapers and warming bottles.
I'm not talking about tomorrow, or even next week. I'm talking about in the future, once our lives and my health start becoming a little more predictable. When we have actual bed-times. For now, I'll make do with the okay that I can start acting like a non-pregnant, non postpartum person. One who can drink a beer or lift some weights without suffering the guilt.
More than anything I want the okay to take her outside. There's a big world outside of this apartment (from what I can remember).
