Child-led Parenting. Or What Just Kinda Happened.

Yesterday I had lunch with three other moms. Two have babies three weeks younger than Adelyn. One has a baby who's seven months old. I've talked about that particular baby before. Her name is Ella and her cheeks are infinitely kissable and she hardly ever cries. Now she's developed the ability to say her name, which she does over and over while awake. "El-lalala-la. El-lalala-la." She's adorable.

At lunch we got on the topic of Baby Wise, because these are the kind of things four young moms talk about. Baby habits, formula types, breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding, being hungover and taking care of your baby, the concern over a baby who doesn't care about rolling over, and, I think, the topic of spray tans made a brief appearance. But mostly we just talked about living as a mother.

One of these women, Ella's mom, works full-time. More than full-time, actually. The other just went back to work, working three days a week. The other goes back to work, working from home, in just a couple of weeks. And then there's me, who is caught somewhere between a former desire to devote herself, all of herself, to being a success and trying to figure out how to be a parent.

I did not expect to be a mom right now. I hope when Adelyn someday, inevitably, reads this she understands that that doesn't mean I'm not extraordinarily grateful for how things have turned out. It just means that I was thrown for a loop. Graduating from college and trying to figure out what to do for a living is confusing enough. Doing this with a baby is a bit more so.

I think--fingers crossed--I'm a couple of weeks away from getting the job I hoped for. It doesn't pay much, but it's for an organization I care deeply about and it would allow me to work from home most of the time. Between two family members who are teachers off for the summer and a great grandma who seems to have an infinite number of baby-tricks up her sleeve--along with the generosity of my mother-in-law's friend who's offered to watch Addy whenever I need her to--I think we can avoid putting Addy in day care.

The job does require a three-day training in Atlanta. I have to figure that out. My mom might come with me and watch Addy while I do the required stuff. But other than that, I think we'll be just fine.

But it brings up, once again, this increasingly-tricky question of creating a routine that is predictable. It doesn't have to be on-the-nose scheduled, but it has to be somewhat smooth, like, knowing that within the next three hours I will have an hour I can devote solely to work. And little Adelyn, God love her, does not like predictability. Our newest schedule involves getting up around four thirty in the morning, eating and playing until she's sleepy again, and then putting her in her swing to nap while mommy snoozes on the couch. I never used to need so much sleep. When I was pregnant, even, I woke up at six on the dot. Now when I hear Addy babbling over the monitor at four, five, six I'm desperate for just one more hour between the sheets. (Sleeping.)

I don't like the idea of Baby Wise. Neither do the other moms I was with yesterday. Ella, her mom told us, has developed a schedule all by herself. And she sticks to it. None of us are fond of forcing a schedule on our babies. I think the experts call this "child-led parenting." I call it trying to find something that works. I can't hold off giving Addy a bottle if she's hungry, a nap if she's tired. My neighbors--who are generally incredibly sweet--told us they used to do everything in their power to keep their daughter awake past six p.m. They'd even sprinkle water on her face if she was drifting off. (This might have been a joke. I hope.) And that meant she started sleeping through the night from the start.

I can't do those things. I've tried--not with the water on the face part--to plan out our day, thinking she'd get another bottle in three hours, then another at noon, then a nap, then so on. It never works for me. I always give in.

Am I setting myself up for disaster later on down the line? Am I raising a child who will get what she wants, when she wants it? Or am I just a proponent of this thing called child-led parenting? I don't know. But I do know that Addy wants another bottle, and I'm going to give it to her.