Newborn Time-Management.

I'm sort of obsessive compulsive when it comes to managing my time. I've known this about myself since high school, when I realized I was really the only one of my friends who worried about every little thing when it came to what we were doing. And I don't just try to plan everything out--I stress and obsess and over-analyze every part of it--where we're meeting, where we're going, who's driving, who's drinking, who's gonna be late, how much sleep am I gonna get.

When I was working in broadcast news every single one of my coworkers made a comment about how fast I did everything. I worked overnight the majority of my time there, writing scripts for the morning news (the show started at four a.m. and ran until seven). And I never took a moment to breathe the second I sat down. I got in around midnight and didn't stop writing until the task was finished. Everyone always seemed impressed that I was so efficient, and I guess I could just pat myself on the back and say I was good at my job, but mostly it was that I was completely terrified of not finishing in time. Terror really fuels your work ethic.

Add a baby into the mix, one who has no concept of time or work, and the whole scheduling obsession becomes infinitely more complicated. I find myself borderline-manically planning out the most boring activities. While I'm holding Adelyn in one hand and getting her bottle ready with the other, I'm trying to decide if it would be better to put the laundry in the dryer while the bottle heats up or if I should instead devote that thirty seconds to peeing. It's exhausting, and it's no one's fault but my own.

It sounds pathetic even writing it out but you have to work your ass off to maintain any sort of a structure with a newborn around. I have to fight for it.

I'm now the girl who's always late. And, god, I used to loathe constant lateness. I can't tell you how many arguments Jason and I have gotten in over being on time. And now, I'm the one my friends have to work around to schedule lunch, I'm the one struggling to get a project turned in on time.

I used to drive myself crazy with this stuff, pre-Adelyn. I'd always wonder why I couldn't just go with the flow, why I couldn't just do something instead of planning out every detail of it beforehand. Post-Adelyn, now that her needs come first, I want even more to learn to chill out.