Relief.
>> Monday, March 22, 2010
Last night was the second time in my life that I've been moved to tears by the news.
I've been a lot quieter about this issue than I have with others in the past. I'll debate social injustice and women's rights until I'm blue in the face. But this? This is personal. Deeply personal.
I've been living a ticking time bomb on the whole insurance front for a few years. I'm lucky enough to be under my dad's insurance and for the most part it's treated me fairly. Because it didn't have a choice. Soon, though, when I turn 24, things are going to get a lot more complicated. I can Cobra his insurance for a little while at an exorbitant rate. I can try to find a corporate job that I desperately don't want and forsake my own goals and dreams just for a policy. Or I can join the ranks of millions who walk around uninsured.
Except, when you have a chronic illness, that's not really an option. The medicine I take weekly costs thousands. My procedures cost even more. And if I wind up needing surgery (which I likely will in the next few years), I could kiss my entire future livelihood goodbye. All because insurance agencies have no one to answer to. They have no mercy or compassion.
And I really didn't think this day would come--the day when the huge weight felt lifted from my shoulders, when I felt truly free to explore my options for the future.
Opponents of the bill love to throw that word around. Freedom. Yesterday a local representative said the country had lost a little bit of it with the vote. I didn't hear what she said next but I'm betting the word "socialism" made an appearance.
I guess there are different interpretations of what it means to be free. I don't understand how a totally uninvolved government is the answer. I also don't understand how the same people who equate freedom with an uninvolved government often think the government should interfere with same-sex couples' rights to marry. When is it interference, and when is it for your perceived-greater good?
To me, freedom means that I can marry Jason in May. (I was going to go along with the wedding and secretly not make it legal so that I could still Cobra my parents' insurance. Jason has his own company and therefore his own insurance policy that would never take on someone like me.) Freedom means that I can pursue the career that I want, without having to take my health in as a factor. Healthy people can pick and choose what they do with their lives--shouldn't people with illnesses be afforded the same luxury? Freedom means that even though I have a chronic illness I will be treated the same as my healthy peers. Freedom means I can find a policy that is fair, despite the battles ahead of me.
Freedom, to me, means that the 32 million Americans who couldn't get health insurance can now take their families to the doctor. Crohn's Disease is nothing. The people who need insurance the most--the people who are the sickest--are the ones left in the dust. In what world is that freedom?
During the House debates last night I heard a Republican representative say the bill was unfair to our children, to future generations. That we were saddling them with irreversible debt.
Now that I have a member of that future generation in my household, I can say that I feel complete and total relief about the America she'll be growing up in. I think the Congressional Budget Office is right, that the bill will eventually help heal that debt, not cause it. I feel like I can breathe a little easier knowing that Adelyn will grow up in a country that will not forsake her if she ever, God forbid, gets sick at the wrong time. If she ever, God forbid, gets diagnosed with a chronic illness like her mom. She will only have to weather the stress of the illness, not the stress of how to take care of it.
That is the America I want my daughter growing up in, not a country that tosses the weak aside for the sake of "limited" government.
I know it's not a done deal yet, but last night felt so monumental I can't help but feel victorious. Because of last night, I can get married legally. I'll have somewhere to turn when my insurance company decides they've had enough of me. I won't be left to make the decision between taking care of my health and avoiding bankruptcy.
And my battle is only one of millions. Millions that are worse. Life-threatening. It's a victory for the American people, including Adelyn, who stared wide-eyed at the TV last night, completely oblivious, as the House floor erupted into cheers.
It's a victory even for those who say they oppose it. I have yet to come across someone who opposes the bill who is sick and uninsurable. And I have a feeling those who oppose it have not yet been faced with the torturous situation of having a sick loved one who can't get the help they need.
Now, hopefully, they'll never have to.
13 comments:
I am surrounded by very conservative friends and family who are adamantly against the bill that was voted on yesterday, yet I feel INVIGORATED by the hope for change in the health care system...and among those I love dearly, I am heavily in the minority.
The post you just wrote sums up my feelings better than I ever could. Very well put...and I agree 100%.
You just said it all how I wanted to say it but couldn't find the words. Thank you. So glad you're feeling relieved. =) So am I.
It's a scary, scary feeling to not have health insurance. I had a friend who walked around on a broken foot for two weeks before finally giving in, going to the hospital, and being stuck with a medical bill that meant she couldn't pay her rent and had to move back in with her parents. Fortunately she was lucky enough to have that option, so many others don't.
And I sooo get what you mean about throwing the weak aside for the sake of limited government, but the same people who oppose the health care bill are often the ones demanding that the government interfere in the same-sex marriage debate.
You are extraordinarily thoughtful and well-spoken, especially for someone of your age. I really enjoy reading your writing.
Thank you for putting this out there! A fellow Crohn's gal, You wrote it better than I ever could. I feel like sometimes I can't say what I am thinking or feeling for the same reasons the commenter before me. My husband, his family and the VOCAL co-workers are all against it! I totally believe we have made steps in the right direction!
Keep voting!
Even I feel relieved, all the way from Australia. So many people (myself included) don't fully understand how bad it is/was over there. It is such a foreign concept that someone's medical bill, for something as standard as a broken bone, would force them out of their own home. Thank god for medicare, and growing up in a country as free as Australia. Thank god America is catching up!
Something about this post was bugging me and I couldn't put my finger on it until I walked away for a few minutes and then it came to me. You are a skilled, educated, talent young woman who could find a great job with a great company that offers great benefits. Yet you choose not to. You might have good reasons for doing so and you are fortunate to be in a financial position that allows you that choice. However, regarding the bill that just passed that will allow you to have insurance and good medical care, I and many people like me who do make the choice to work or who have to work to sustain a decent living, have to pay taxes in order for someone like you, who chooses not to work. I have to work and pay taxes so you do not have to forfeit your goals and dreams and get a corporate job that you don't want? Seriously? Life is full of hard choices. You have the good fortunate to have lots of choices in front of you. I personally resent shouldering the tax burden for someone who although highly capable and educated decides that getting a job would be a burden.
Dear Anonymous,
Sarah does work - full time as a mother. And a free-lance writer. Companies can't afford to continue to pay for overpriced insurance plans for their employees any longer either and many big companies that have, and are now laying off employees because of the cost of healthcare. Sarah is simply making the point of healthcare legislation's impact on her life; but the impact is felt on companies too. If the only solution to the healthcare crisis is that every adult American needs to work for a large corporation (believe me, there are not jobs for everyone and often the jobs are mind numbing)- than your vision for America and what it means to pursue happiness and your life's purpose is very limited, very narrow, and very unrealistic. I am Sarah's mother and I am proud that she is choosing not to put her baby in daycare right now for a corporate job that YOU think she should get. The USA is the only developed country with such punishing healthcare (and childcare) policies. I for one, believe that families come first and not healthcare companies or corporations. It is time our policies reflect our values.
Thanks for the compliment, anonymous. And I'm sorry for your tax burden.
The thing is, I'm still technically an employee at a corporation where I could go back and get insurance. I turned it down when I first started working there because I didn't want to risk associating my health with my job. I have a two-month old at home. I am not ready to go back to work. I do, however, fully intend to go back to work when I can figure out how to get Adelyn cared for. But I don't think it's fair that I, or anyone with a chronic illness, should have to choose certain jobs just because of the hand I've been dealt. There should be an insurance option for people with chronic illnesses not associated with where they work. Some of us are writers, some of us are small business owners. Should we not, then, make our unique contribution to the economy just for the sake of our illness?
I don't usually respond to negative comments, but the implication that I am lazy or that I'm not working right now just for the hell of it are ideas I cannot ignore. My partner and I made the decision that I'd be Adelyn's primary caregiver for her first few months. I have the right to do that, Crohn's or not. After that, the ways in which I plan to go back to "work" can now--thank God--be based on what's best for me and my family, not on how I can get a decent policy.
Thanks.
Dear Joyce,
You make a very good point. I appreciate your insight and critique of my comments.
Sarah,
I posted my response to your mother before I read your response to mine. I will say, while we disagree on certain points, it is refreshing to disagree with someone who is as articulate and mature as you are. I have been following your blog from the beginning and although I don't know you and have practically nothing in common with you your blog and story has kept me coming back. Your points in your response to my comments are well-taken.
Anonymous,
It is refreshing to have civil dialogue and not simply name-calling. We don't have to agree on policy solutions to the common ground opinion that our healthcare system is seriously flawed. I am the CEO of a medium sized nonprofit (serving homeless families - many who became homeless because of huge medical bills - the cost to the taxpayer for unpaid medical bills and for homelessness and poverty and for emergency room visits as "primary" care is much higher than the new healthcare legislation) and we have had to cut employees' benefits, kick off our part time employees and the cost even for the worst possible health care plan to my organization is over $50,000 a year. As an employer, we are not obligated to have a health care insurance plan - but we do because otherwise we would be inhumane. So we offer something. The best we can afford. The healthcare "crisis" is not about lazy people vs industrious people. It is about equity, fairness, humanity, and providing a safety net for all - pre-existing conditions, the poor, the unemployed, the employed but no benefits available, full time mothers (and other care givers). Thank you for your thoughts Anonymous. And thank you Sarah for your honesty and for putting up with more healthcare hardship than any of your readers can begin to imagine.
As a British citizen I have always enjoyed a national health service. We belly ache about how dirty the hospitals are and how long we have to queue for operations, how cancer treatment is a postcode lottery (along with fertility treatment and many drug allocations). But what we should never take for granted is that, regardless of income, we all have the luxury of knowing that we have access to good health care. Sarah I join you in your relief that, for once, there seems to be an element of democracy in American policies (or should I say Obama's policies). I for one can't see how the Republicans can say that this signals the end of freedom for many Americans. But then I often have trouble understanding their reasoning.
And just for the record we also get much better maternity rights than you Americans. Something that many, many Europeans still can't quite understand. Your job at the moment is probably one of the most responsible jobs you will ever have - being a mum is rewarding but it is ultimately one of the most under-rated jobs you will ever do.
Good luck to you and Jason and your lovely baby. And enjoy the success of the health care bill. There are precious few triumphs for us to revel in - let this be one of them.
Sarah,
I've found the healthcare debate difficult to follow. I don't have a mind for politics and have a hard time wrapping my brain around the language. Your very personal and insightful account of what this bill means to you makes me feel like we are on the right track even if I don't fully understand all of the ramifications this bill will have in the follow-through. I work in the design field and have many friends who are freelancers and cross thier fingers everyday that they don't get hit by a car or burst their appendix. Also as a resident of NYC who's tax dollars went to Elliot Spitzer's hookers and a subway system that is constantly cutting service it makes me feel good to know that the tax dollars that go towards this are helping people like you live happy, healthy, and long lives without the extra strain of the exorbitant cost of medicine you need in order to live. Also, to anyone who may be reading these comments: FREELANCERS PAY TAXES TOO!!!!!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it was very moving.
-Rebecca (a friend of your sister's here in NYC!)
This is a truly excellent post, and you put into words exactly what I feel!
I am definitely for the bill, and I am frustrated by the seemingly illogical opposition. I am a relatively healthy person and, like the most vocal opposed, I am NOT the person that should speak to these issues because I HAVE health insurance. We all will bear the costs, yes, but so much good will be done in the long-run.
Everyone deserves health care. It is wonderful we live in a country that can, and finally will, provide equal access.
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