Maternal Alarm.

This morning my eyes shot open at six a.m. on the dot. I couldn't believe how amazing it was that Adelyn was still asleep--it had been more than six hours since she went to sleep. Immediately I started making lists of all the things I could do before she woke up--eat breakfast! shower! blowdry my hair!--and before my feet hit the floor the first "waaaaahs" were coming through on the monitor.

This internal alarm clock thing is pretty convenient, actually. It would definitely put Kramer's to shame. It often keeps me from being woken up right in the middle of a deep, delirium-inducing sleep (often, not always). A lactation consultant told me a while back that this was a breastfeeding thing, this instinctual alarm. And that was one of the thoughts that kept nagging me when I knew I was going to have to give it up, one of many nagging thoughts that you're not doing the right thing for your baby if you switch to formula.

But look! I formula feed, my milk supply has long dried up, and my body still hasn't lost it. My body still knows its the body of a mother's, despite how much I wish my tummy bulge would forget.

Speaking of formula--after another round of squirming at the bottle and hardly eating last night, Jason ran to the drugstore around 10 p.m. to get Similac Sensitive, pre-mixed, instead of what we'd been using, Similac Advanced in the powder form. A last ditch effort before going to the doctor.

She screamed the entire twenty minutes he was gone--that horrible, horrible scream when she's been fed, burped, changed, entertained, and rocked, and you know there is absolutely nothing else you can really do. He got back and we hurriedly got the bottle ready. The second we put it to her lips she latched on and didn't let go, didn't even stop to squirm once, for an entire five ounces. Then she slept from 11:30 to six this morning.

My biological alarm clock might still be working even though I gave up breastfeeding, but dear God this formula stuff is a hassle.