Three weeks.
>> Tuesday, February 16, 2010
It's been a rough week, and it's had nothing to do with being a new parent. Just like I was warned, I've spent the past five days in what I can only assume is a fairly major flare-up of Crohn's. I've barely been able to eat (which makes breastfeeding sort of tricky) and barely able to perform the simplest of tasks (like getting off the couch, for example) without feeling instantly ill. Needless to say it's made taking care of a newborn even more of a challenge.
I've never been a religious girl or one to turn to spiritual ideals for guidance. But I can't help being reminded of the oft-heard around the Bible Belt saying that God doesn't give you more than you can handle at one time.
Because I think I can now definitively say that I've been gifted with a good baby. She's straightforward and calm. Increasingly predictable and always adorable. Her worst habit so far is a tendency to stay awake for a couple of hours at a time during the night. And I can't fault her for it, since the time is spent, usually, in her quiet-alert state. No matter how tired I might be, it's that quiet-alert time I cherish the most, when I can see her eyes reading my face, figuring me out, memorizing the smells and sights around her.
Let's hope it keeps up. At least until my health is in order. Then God can deal me another hand, and I'll have the energy to put up a fight.
I got some hopefully good news today at a meeting with my gastroenterologist. Jason's mom watched Adelyn so I could go. (It's funny how a doctor's appointment, after being stuck at home for three weeks, can seem exhilarating.) Turns out the IV-antibiotics I was given during labor since I tested positive for GBS can cause a postpartum infection in some women, and this is made exponentially worse for women with Crohn's or Colitis. I have to wait two days to know for sure if I have it, but every single symptom described how I've been feeling to a T. So I've been given a medicine to combat it and scheduled a colonoscopy and stricture dilation for this coming Monday.
Just figuring out the logistics for Monday have already been a headache (the solution: Jason will be home Sunday while I do the prep for the procedure--if you've ever had a colonoscopy you understand why I need help taking care of a baby that day--and my mom has taken off work on Monday to watch her while Jason and I go to the doctor.
Sometimes having Crohn's makes life feel so needlessly complicated. Add a baby into the mix and it's easy to fall prey to a mindset of worry, worry, worry. So even though it's been a tough week, I think I'm starting to find my place within the chaos. I'm finding a rhythm to taking care of her. A new philosophy to meeting her needs. Feeling so sick has forced me to kind of chill out, to take each cry one step at a time, meet each need without anticipating the next one. When she's hungry, she'll be fed. When she's gassy, she'll be held. When she's fussy, she'll be shushed and rocked. And if I guess the cause of her cries incorrectly, I'll take a moment to myself to calm my mind. It sounds like common sense, but I'm just starting to figure it out.
5 comments:
good luck with the tests. ill be thinking of you all.
sounds like being a mommy agrees with you.
You sound more calm and relaxed about being a mommy to a 3 month old than most. You seem to be doing just wonderfully!
Good luck with your tests!
So sorry to hear about your health troubles, no one should have to deal with those a few weeks postpartum!
Exhilaraing doctor visits? Yes! When my second was five months old, I developed a horrible rash from some antibiotics. I had to go to a walk-in clinic. My mother-in-law had both the kids. I had a two-hour wait and a Hermann Hesse book.
When it was finally my turn, the nurse, noticing my blood pressure was a little high, said, "Well it might be from the stress of the waiting room." I had to laugh. "Are you kidding? This is the most relaxed I've been in five months!"
About your Crohn's: your strength is an inspiration. I hope that's not an annoying thing to hear. I just remember getting a stomach virus when my husband was out of town and my second was just a few months old (and still waking every three hours to eat). I still wonder how I made it through those few days. It seemed so impossible at the time.
my babies were pretty easy to fall into a routine too. as far as the night 2hr awake period...
when i was still nursing in the beginning, i needed to see what i was doing to nurse properly, but eventually i got use to it-and was able to scale back on the light. until i used none (no TV) and my baby woke to eat-and went straight back to sleep till next feed time. If you arent already nursing in the dark , i suggest giving it a try..i didn't really entertain any alertness either. as soon as i was done nursing or bottle feeding i laid her right back down. now she is starting to phase out her 4am bottle too :) (she's 3 mo. and sleeping in a moses basket next to my bedside, after a 6-8pm feeding)
sounds like your adapting so well! good luck in two days :)
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