Life A.B. (After Baby)
>> Monday, February 1, 2010
I knew it was going to be hard.
We brought her home Wednesday morning, after just two short days in the hospital. The entire way home, she slept peacefully. I sat with her in the backseat, letting her hold on to my finger, staring in bewilderment at this person we created. And I couldn't help wonder how, or why, they let us go home with a baby. The hospital made us take a 15 minute class on childcare, and I learned how to clean her umbilical cord stump and to not lift anything heavier than the baby for a few weeks. That's where the lesson ended.
The first day home was filled with visitors. Adelyn has no shortage of fans and family members and friends who genuinely love her. So even though the first day back from the hospital I barely held my baby, I was also able to take a much needed break, a moment to catch my breath and let reality sink in.
Then the visitors all went home, the sun went down, and reality really sank in.
The only plan I had for our sleeping arrangement was that Adelyn would sleep in the pack-n-play in our bedroom until we felt comfortable putting her in her room. No plan B. No thought given to the fact that she might not want to sleep in the pack-n-play, or at all when we want her to. Have I mentioned I have no experience with babies?
In the hospital, we got back to our post-partum room around midnight, a few hours after she was born. Adelyn was still in the nursery. They told me they'd bring her by around 4 a.m. to try breastfeeding for the first time, and that the pediatrician would be in at 7.
Jason and I stayed up talking, replaying every moment of the whirlwind day, until 3. The hour between that and breastfeeding practice was not spent sleeping, but simply trying to settle my racing mind.
The second night in the hospital, even under the influence of painkillers, I slept only 3 hours. I wanted to feed Adelyn exclusively, so they brought her into the room every two hours to practice. Ten minutes before she was due to come in I'd wake up with a start, excited to see her again.
So by the time we got home after enduring the most exhausting ordeal of my life, I was running on five hours of sleep throughout the past three days (the night before I went into labor I didn't sleep thanks to contractions every 20 minutes). Jason had fared a little better, but not by much.
The first night at home I slept in--literally--five minute intervals. I couldn't help myself from checking on her every second. And she woke up every 20 minutes. As it turns out, Adelyn refuses to stay asleep laying flat on her back. We spent the first three nights home taking turns coming downstairs to sleep so she could snooze in her bouncer, which she loves. It took three days of sleep deprivation before we had the genius idea to bring the bouncer upstairs to the bedroom (because common sense hadn't yet prevailed). Now we've had two nights of relatively decent rest. She'll pass out for a good two and half hours before she's ready to eat again (I've been feeding her every two hours during the day, two to three at night). And I'm slowly, slowly learning to trust that she's okay and doesn't need my constant poking and proding and breath-monitoring.
I guess, for right now, it's just a matter of survival. We'll figure out the more permanent stuff later.
And just for the record--I love advice. Any words of wisdom on how you dealt with the first few tumultuous weeks are definitely appreciated.
12 comments:
Just breathe! What you're doing is all completely normal. We ended up putting our baby to sleep between us in bed, she seemed warmer and it made feeding easier and at least I could obsessively check on her while still laying down. These first weeks are so hard, but you will get through it, take every chance to can to rest!
I've been reading your posts with rapt attention because I'm expecting my first and want a first-hand account of what I'm in for! :)
My baby's due in three weeks, so I don't really have any advice for you, other than to encourage you both. My mother in law says the first few weeks are like boot camp you just get through them however you can.
You guys are doing great! Even if other people have more experience with babies, no one will ever know how to take care of your baby like you do.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I've been reading you blog for a while now but this is my first comment. My due date for my first child is in 60 days(!!) and I've enjoyed reading about your journey while going through mine. It let's me know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. You sound like a great mother!
I was the same way at the beginning, couldn't let either of mine out of my sight long enough to get any actual rest, and when I did it was with him or her nestled against me. That only really made it worse in the long run because they only wanted to sleep with me, and by 6 months that was old because neither of mine slept through the night. My 8 year old got up in the middle of the night until she was 5... My 7 month old still wakes up every 3 hours to nurse, and he totally does not need to, he just "wants" to... I think some babies are better sleepers than others, but a lot of it is learned behavior from mom. Good luck!
I was just putting MY little guy down for a nap and thought of a few more things you can try to get her to stay asleep while she is teeny tiny... Have you tried swaddling her? Some babies love it and some hate it, but it is worth a try. If you don't know how, google it and there are tons of step by step tutorials/videos on the web. If that doesn't work try putting her down after she's asleep in her carseat or her swing on really low. They are a little cozier than a pack and play... Another thing to try is the pacifier. Again, some babies love it and others hate it, but mine were huge "binky" fans and it helped them soothe themselves and it also helps reduce the risk of SIDS :) Hang in there!
survival indeed. thats exactly how you have to look at it. i'm on week 12 with my newborn, (my 3rd child-other DD5, & DS7) who wont be a newborn much longer :( she'll be a full on baby soon!
the days will melt into each other soon enough, and you'll be sitting here like me, saying the same thing to yourself. the baby gets use to a routine if you have one, and they start to do cute new things...you'll see...you'll become a pro at taking care of your baby in no time!
That all sounds so familiar! When we left the hospital, I kept thinking, "I can't believe they're going to let us go home with her. We don't know anything!" And I had been a full-time nanny for a newborn and four-year-old.
I also kept waking every five minutes to see if she was still breathing. I finally brought her into bed with us, and when I woke, my hand was already on her, so I went right back to sleep. Made nursing through the night easier, too.
About nursing: The first week wasn't so bad, but it got really painful for about the next month or so until my body adjusted. (Then it was easy, convenient, perfect for the baby, took off the baby weight I had gained, and I never had to worry about bottles or sanitizing or expensive formula, etc., so getting out of the house was MUCH easier than it would have been otherwise.)
What really helped with the soreness was this "cream" called Lansinoh. It's endorsed by the La Leche League. I applied it to my nipples after every feeding. It's completely natural and safe for the baby, you don't have to clean it off your nipples before feeding her, and it prevents cracking and dryness.
I also have friends who never experienced soreness with breastfeeding. Hopefully you'll be so lucky!
The hardest part of all for me was the lack of sleep. Don't forget that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. My mind didn't work properly for awhile, but it got better.
I got lots and lots of advice, and some people were so adamant about their opinions that I started questioning my intuition. You're so smart and thoughtful. I have a feeling you're going to make really good decisions.
I was deathly afraid that if I closed my eyes to rest, my daughter would cease to exist. I promise that goes away, and soon.
I also would feed every two hours, but at night I let her sleep. She always woke up when she needed a diaper and to eat. I think letting her wake herself set her up for proper sleep habits. She slept 12 hours starting at 6 weeks old, and has continued to sleep all night every night since. She now sleeps from 8pm to 9am and she's two!
Take a deep breath, learn to juggle nursing and eating (because inevitably she'll always be hungry when your dinner is ready) and ask your husband for a hug. It works wonders!
Oh the Joys of the first few weeks! My daughter slept in her bouncer for TWO weeks after she came home. We then spent a little time in the bassinet and then a few weeks in the swing! Go with the flow. put her where ever she will sleep and dont worry about it.
I was an exhausted basket case for the first six weeks...I thought it would be like that forever and I was soooo drained. Then it started to get easier. Nursing got easier, she started sleeping a bit more and I finally got my sea legs.
She's lovely, btw.
Hi! Just found your blog a few days ago and I'm loving your writing. My daughter slept in her bouncy seat for the first two months of her life. We actually put the bouncy seat right inside of her crib and it worked great! Do whatever works, whatever it takes for you to be able to get some sleep. The best advice I ever got was "Sleep when your baby sleeps" and I ignored that advice for a few weeks because I always thought I had to be doing something. Turns out I was a moron, and I should have listened. Good luck!!! She's beautiful!
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